Wendy Newman, Dating Expert and Author of 121 First Dates
Here at Relationship Barometer, we offer a valuable mobile app tool that not only uncovers a “Forecast” of where your love life is headed, but moreover tracks your day-to-day experiences to help you keep an honest pulse on how well your needs are being met in your romantic relationship.
With app usage, you may find yourself asking some real questions that call for professional guidance. In our new Expert Series, we’re featuring industry leaders who are willing to share their dating wisdom with us on developing and maintaining healthy, fulfilling romantic relationships.
We are thrilled to introduce you Wendy Newman, Author & Owner of Wendy Newman, Inc., where she serves as a Dating, Sex & Relationship Expert, based in San Francisco, CA, and has led hundreds of workshops to thousands of people internationally.
Her book, 121 First Dates: How to Succeed at Online Dating, Fall in Love and Live Happily Ever After (Really!) is part juicy tell-all, part anti-rules dating guide and is getting love from The Wall Street Journal, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, Glamour, Self, Huffington Post, Access Hollywood and more.
We tapped into Wendy’s expertise to uncover her thoughts on Relational Awareness and dating at large, and here’s what she shared with us…
Before we take a deep dive into your expertise, can you share with us at a high level what your typical day looks like as a Relationship Expert?
If we shared workspace, you’d see me working on my next book, writing magazine articles, answering media questions (like this), or pondering the answer to whatever unique (or bizarre) dating or relationship question that crossed my path on its way into my biweekly love-life advice column.
A couple of times a week, I lead workshops by phone or video. I do radio and video interviews. I do a small, selective amount of one-on-one coaching, and I’m often building some new, useful dating product or tool like a self-guided video or audio workshop that can reach women everywhere. In short, I spend my time trying to be useful to women in helping make their love life even better.
When did you know you wanted to become a Relationship Coach?
It happened by complete accident (2002). I went to a two-day workshop to understand men better after a failed marriage. I took it so I wouldn’t screw up the next one who came along.
After those two days of seeing the world through men’s eyes, my point of view about men and the masculine was so different (and better) that I started leading workshops for that company, and through leading and research became a man expert. But remember, I was newly single. (Ironic.)
Little did I know it would take a decade of dating, and 121 first dates, to find the right guy for me – so I’m an expert through research, but also kind of by accident. I never meant to go on 121 first dates.
Given your focus on helping others build healthy relationships, what would you say is the #1 quality one should seek out in a new romantic partner?
Respectability. Pick a person to get to know who has the traits and attributes you admire in your friends, colleagues and yourself.
In your opinion, how does relational self-awareness play a role in maintaining a romantic relationship?
If you’re not self-aware enough to know what you need, what you’re looking for, and what you can’t tolerate, then who you’ll pick as a partner is the cute one who’s standing right in front of you. And you’ll try to make it work with them – even though…
Even though they aren’t quite right for you. Maybe they’re lazy, or they gamble a little too much, or they smoke weed and that’s just not okay with you. But you try to make it work because it’s better than being single, and you don’t want to start all over again. Plus, you have too much time invested in this one. Sound familiar?
Maintaining this situation is unworkable for the long haul if what you’re really after is a happy life.
What’s the best way for an individual to gain more relational self-awareness on a day-to-day basis?
Instead of focusing on what you want based on what you did and didn’t get in the past, take an honest inventory of where you are right now. Because what you need today is different than what you needed at Age 20. Ask yourself, “If I had it all my way…?”
The answers are in the attributes of a partner that at, the end of the day, leave you feeling totally seen for who you are, empowered, and set up to be your best, bad-ass self.