Can A Performance Review Improve Your Relationship?
It’s always encouraging when there is formal recognition to the approach I’m advocating in the Balanced Relationship Barometer book and supporting mobile app. An article was recently published in the Wall Street Journal, and discussed on the Fox News “Outnumbered” show, related to whether a formal evaluation can help a couple set goals, affirm what works and avoid entrenched conflicts. The answer is that it can, if any disconnects are identified and worked on.
While the article and research was focused on married couples, the Fox News correspondents discussed that this approach also applies very well to people that are dating. Their thoughts were that it could help avoid letting problems set in and become more difficult, if not impossible, to resolve later.
This is exactly the concept that I advocate, and it requires awareness on your part. You need to start to identify what is satisfying you, or causing you issues or concerns, in your relationship. We do that in our Relationship Barometer mobile app by allowing you to define your “Needs” or things you value in a romantic relationship, and begin to gain awareness about how well they are, or aren’t, being met through your relationship experiences or “Check-ins”.
But that’s just the start. This isn’t about having everything be perfect, because nothing ever is. It’s about understanding how well your needs are being met over time, in appreciating and recognizing those things you value from your relationship and partner, as well as in trying to not sweep any issues under the rug, hoping that they’ll just go away. It’s about achieving a balance that gives you a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Balanced Relationship Guideline #1:
“Balance doesn’t mean that you both agree to do things that you hate, or give up things that you love, so that you can co-exist. It means that while there is always some give and take, achieving balance should not require huge foundational trade-offs.”
This assessment, as the article states, shouldn’t be done like a work performance review. It’s really just you taking stock of what matters to you most, how things are doing, and whether the things that mean something to you are getting better or worse. In the metaphor I use, it’s whether your relationship is sunny or stormy, and getting better or worse. Which direction is it going based on what you’re experiencing, and what is the likelihood of having a successful relationship if that continues? You can see all of that in our app over time, which provides you with trends and patterns that are easily for you to identify. It’s sort of like a “Fitbit” for your relationship.
Once you identify aspects that may need improvement, you can use the Relationship Guidance section of our App to try and find relevant articles, such as this one, that could help you improve your relationship or determine that it isn’t improving. Or you can talk to a therapist, as the article suggests. Either way, you can take control of your relationship, rather than just going forward on hope rather than on reality. Love is blind, but you don’t have to be!
For more information on this research and article, click here: